While I am trying to watch as many movies as humanly possible, realistically there are more than I can handle. In order to get through as many I can, I have become a person I never thought I would: I don’t finish watching movies I don’t like.
I know this ruffles a lot of people’s feathers, but I only have so many hours in a day, folks. Life is too short to do anything I don’t want to do, and I don’t want to watch bad movies. As my scriptwriting professor taught me (wuddup, Joe Schuster), you can almost always tell if you will like a movie by the first ten minutes. In my own experience, this has proven to be true, so I’m sticking with it. Sometimes I’ll even give a movie through the first act to prove itself. If it doesn’t have me hooked by then, I’m done.
In the cases of these movies, actions speak louder than words. I gave up on them and don’t regret a thing.
Green Zone–I should have known better. It’s a movie about NOT finding WMDs.
Greenberg–This movie mostly makes me feel uncomfortable and like I’ve gone deaf because it was so quiet. I actually wish I would have stopped it sooner.
The Informant!–[Editor’s note: This was added to the list late because it was so uneventful I had swept it from my mind.] I had no idea what was going on or what they were talking about. All I know is it was boring.
Prince of Persia–“I’m Jake Gyllenhaal, & I’ve just discovered this dagger at the end of the first act. Even though I have no previous knowledge about it, I will ask you what this dagger does but then answer my own question in the form of a soliloquy explaining the magical qualities it possesses.”
Then of course there are the movies I did watch all the way through but wish I hadn’t.
Confessions of a Shopaholic–Main characters who do nothing and only have things happen to them are terrible. This is a pretty good example of that.
MacGruber–Again, I should have known better. I like the sketch. The movie scarred me a little bit. I will never look at celery the same way again.
Our Family Wedding—Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner? + The Odd Couple – Quality = This movie.
Seven Pounds–The first scene was a good try. Starting with Will Smith’s character calling 911 to report his own soon-to-be suicide really should have me hook, line, and sinker. It’s the two hours between that and the end that really lost me.