Like the inevitable character in a third of Hallmark Channel Christmas movies, I fear I have lost “The Christmas Spirit.” In hopes of finding it, I will be watching a ridiculous number of Christmas movies on TV. Here is my story…
Christmas Festival of Ice (2017) Hallmark Channel
-An absolutely terrible opening montage of comically bad photoshopped images of the main character & her father in front of ice sculptures.
-A bunch of actors with no charm, charisma, likability, (& in many cases, photogenic skills), or interest whatsoever.
-The complete, unabridged dialogue of the main character for the first 30 minutes, to anyone & everyone:
“I love ice sculpture.” “I used to do ice sculpture.” “That’s a good ice sculpture, & I should know; I used to do it.” “What do you mean they cancelled the ice sculpting competition?” “I need to raise $15,000 so we can have the ice sculpture competition!” “Did you know our town has had this ice sculpting competition for 60 years?”
-A thirsty best friend whose idea of dropping hints to the cute tree salesman is, “[This tree] is way too big for my apartment… where I live alone.”
-The last 10 minutes of this movie is one long exposition scene that is both the slowest thing I’ve ever watched and also the most infuriating display of a character flip-flopping back and forth.
Wow, my first real doozy. The main character is completely unnecessary to the entirety of this movie. This was bad, y’all. I did fast forward through some bits.