Like the inevitable character in a third of Hallmark Channel Christmas movies, I fear I have lost “The Christmas Spirit.” In hopes of finding it, I will be watching a ridiculous number of Christmas movies on TV. Here is my story…
Christmas Under Wraps (2014) Hallmark Channel
-Dialogue that is grating on me just a few lines in. This doesn’t bode well. “We took your dad’s appendix out. We took it right out.” Okay, great. Thanks for the double confirmation. Also, the kid was like 9 years old, not 3.
-Candace Cameron-Bure with some red hair and great highlights. Okay, girl. Yes.
-Oh, geeze. Her boyfriend is obviously trying to break up with her, and she thinks he’s proposing. We’re 3 minutes in, and she can’t tell the difference between the two. This is going great, friends.
-A mansion where everything is about 50% too big. The door, the couch, the chairs, the decorative bows, the kitchen utensils, the house itself. Is it to make the people look tiny? Are all the actors actually tiny and the house is normal-sized? Is this going to be a Honey-I-Shrunk-The-Christmas situation? SHOULD I WRITE A “HONEY, I SHRUNK CHRISTMAS” MOVIE?!?!?! Brb
-This gem of an exchange–
Lady: “Working in a small town in Alaska is an out of the box experience.”
Main character: “Wait… working in a small town in Alaska would be an out of the box experience.”
Lady: “Yes it would be.”
She literally just said that verbatim! Also, “an out of the box experience” is not a saying. Stop it.
-Hey, filmmakers. If you’re going to make a movie that takes place in Alaska, could you try a LITTLE harder to make the set NOT look like Los Angeles? I doubt very much that anyone in Anchorage has a pristinely manicured lush green lawn.
-A coffee shop that doesn’t know that skim milk or flavors exist? It’s Alaska, not the 1800s.
-OH. MY. GOD. Honestly, how did I not see this plot coming? Wow. I literally laughed out loud when I realized what this movie is about. You know what, this just might make up for everything else that’s so, so wrong with this movie.
-Maybe the stupidest question I’ve ever heard: “So the town handyman functions as the town electrician, as well?” Um, yeah. And all he needs to do is flip breaker switch. Oh, except he’s using a screwdriver and wire cutters…
This starts out with all the signs of terrible things to come, but boy, did it turn around. Delightfully surprised by this one.