Like the inevitable character in a third of Hallmark Channel Christmas movies, I fear I have lost “The Christmas Spirit.” In hopes of finding it, I will be watching a ridiculous number of Christmas movies on TV. Here is my story…
A Christmas Prince (2017) Netflix
-The subcategory “Movies for ages 11 & 12.”
-A bunch of bit actors who are leaning HARD into their terrible New York accents
-A journalist who can’t figure out a single story to write about a royal family. Dear, lord. Journalism is not your business, lady. (How’s his country doing? Do they have free healthcare? What’s the level of child malnutrition, homelessness, literacy? Who controls the means of production? Is this one of those bullshit tax haven countries? Etc.)
-“He gave us handmade ornaments that he said were elephants, but they look more like bears.” Oh, sick burn, dude.
-A princess who threatens a reporter with detainment for doing his job. Nope, that’s not even a tiny bit tone deaf.
-And a prince who has kids play “death by firing squad.” THESE ARE REAL THINGS THAT HAPPEN TO REAL HUMANS. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?
-The phrase “birther scandal.” Ugh, fuck me.
There is a lot of totally unjustified emotional openness between total strangers. And considering my total disdain for any monarchy, I just couldn’t care less about any of this. Some fast forwarding required.
And since it’s timely & relevant, let me leave this right here: