Like the inevitable character in a third of Hallmark Channel Christmas movies, I fear I have lost “The Christmas Spirit.” In hopes of finding it, I will be watching a ridiculous number of Christmas movies on TV. Here is my story…
Meet the Santas (2005) Hallmark Channel
-The same bad guy… but this time he’s going to turn on them. I can feel it.
– A haircut for ole SG; no more curls. And some decidedly thinner cable knit sweaters to show off his pecs, plus a pair of good old boot cut jeans. It’s almost like he saw himself on TV last year & realized he didn’t HAVE to look like he had been in a coma since 1993.
-A completely nonsensical plot. They’re trying to put some urgency & conflict in this story, but it makes no sense whatsoever.
-Matching track suits.
-“We aren’t serving chicken, we’re serving pheasant, because no one wants poultry around Christmas.” Girlfriend, I have some bad news for you…
-A scene where he talks about giving gifts, but like, VERY seductively. I’m not totally sure he’s talking about Christmas presents, but if this is a euphemism, this is FAR TOO adult for a Hallmark movie.
-A wedding dress that is supposed to be a tacky mess, but honestly, I’m not mad at it.
-A traditional southern family who DOESN’T know the superstition about the groom not seeing the bride in her dress before the wedding? I don’t think so.
-A Santa whose belly full of jelly is almost certainly simply a pillow underneath his shirt. Good work, costume department.
-A bunch of people saying things like, “Wow, I wonder how the guy named Nick Claus who looks like Santa knows my name and what I got for Christmas in 1947?!”
They just kept making plot points that didn’t make any sense, & Steve Guttenberg went in hard and heavy with his Santa “ho ho ho” laugh. I fast forwarded through most of it.