Like the inevitable character in a third of Hallmark Channel Christmas movies, I fear I have lost “The Christmas Spirit.” In hopes of finding it, I will be watching a ridiculous number of Christmas movies on TV. Here is my story…
Single Santa Seeks Mrs. Claus (2004) Hallmark Channel
-Steve Guttenberg. There was no way I WASN’T going to watch this.
-That one guy who is ALWAYS the bad guy, except he’s Santa’s “right hand man.” Watch out! He’s going to turn out to be a bad guy!
-A crotchety Mrs. Claus?! Honestly, these writers think the woman married to Santa would be annoyed by toys? What an original concept of wifedom.
-The chunkiest cable knit sweater known to man.
-Uggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Steve G./Future Santa has the power of glamouring people (a la True Blood vampires). THIS WON’T GET CREEPY OR GROSS OR PROBLEMATIC AT ALL, I’M SURE.
-A montage of SG going door-to-door to “find his future Mrs. Claus.” I have sooooo many questions.
-The bad guy creeping in a tree in the middle of a park in broad daylight.
-OH MY GOD, a reference to “The Art of the Deal.” Barf. Although, it was used disparagingly. (We’ve always known 45 was a flaming pile of garbage.)
-Somehow, a mispronunciation of “ice cream.” He puts the emphasis on “cream.” “Now, where does your mother keep the chocolate ice CREAM?” What?!
-Him: “I’m not usually this smooth.”
Her: “I thought you were Cary Grant.”
Him: “I’m not even Hugh Grant.”
First of all, damn, putting Hugh Grant on blast for no reason. Second of all, understatement of the millennium?
Okay, this is gross. It has a lot of vaguely problematic moments in relation to views of women/girls & how to be in romantic relationships. But I will give it this: Steve Guttenberg is just the right amount of nonthreatening, sensitive guy to play a pretty adorable Santa-in-training.