Like the inevitable character in a third of Hallmark Channel Christmas movies, I fear I have lost “The Christmas Spirit.” In hopes of finding it, I will be watching a ridiculous number of Christmas movies on TV. Here is my story…
A Christmas Melody (2015) Hallmark Channel
-Lacey Chabert—expected. Kathy Najimy—what a delight. Mariah Carey—I cannot wait!!!
-A very visible strip of bleached skin on Lacey’s upper lip. What’s better: a mustache or a bright white absence of a mustache? I mean, I get it—TRUST—but really makeup artist?!
-The blurriest “soft focus” lens for Mariah’s close ups.
-Mariah Carey’s wobbly accent & speech impediment. Who knew?
-Mariah Carey playing NEITHER the main character NOR the music teacher. She is an uber diva stage mom. I wonder how much of this is acting.
-A school janitor who will turn out to be the Real Santa Claus. Calling it now.
-THREE slow zoom close ups of a can of Folgers coffee.
-I swear to god, if Mariah doesn’t sing in this…
Can you tell that I watched this movie for literally one reason, and one reason only? If I had watched this on the first day, or even the 7th day, I would have really liked this. It’s pretty good, but 15 days in, and my brain is oozing out of my ears. So I fast forwarded through about a third of it.